


Bokuto Koutarou's To-Do List

by look-at-me-im-special (JunkDrawerAdventures)



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Alternate Universe - Coffee Shops & Cafés, Alternate Universe - College/University, Angst, Low Self-Esteem, M/M, also really bad pick-up lines, also rotting carrots, angst disguised as a coffee-shop AU, bokuto has adhd, gratuitous descriptions of chores, negative inner monologue, trying to be an adult
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-04-08
Updated: 2018-07-31
Packaged: 2019-04-20 10:00:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 12,765
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14258553
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JunkDrawerAdventures/pseuds/look-at-me-im-special
Summary: "Let it be known that Koutarou has a to-do list. It’s nothing like those fancy planners he’s seem some old classmates use – you know the ones; colour coordinated, finished activities neatly crossed out – but it’s a to-do list non the less. No one can say he isn’t at least trying to be organized! Forget the fact that it is scribbled in a bright pink gel pen on the back of an envelope, that is not the problem here. The problem is that it has been taped to the front door of his tiny apartment for the past two weeks."Koutarou tries to get his shit together, Kuroo tries to flirt with his cute co-worker and they both try to be adults about it all.





	1. Clean Your Fridge

**Author's Note:**

> PLEASE READ THIS!
> 
> I'm currently twenty years old, but only a few weeks ago have i been diagnosed with ADHD. Things make a lot of sense now! especially as I am learning more about it and its symptoms. Apparently ADHD is much more than just being easily distracted, People who have it can also be easily overwhelmed, afraid of rejection and deal with mood swings and a difficulty regulating emotions (among other things). At least, those are some of the things that I have experienced.
> 
> So i decided to do that fun thing where i project everything onto a character and write about it. This isn't to say to Bokuto necessarily has ADHD or even that i believe he was written according to some of its symptoms, but i do relate to him a lot and i would like to imagine him as such for the sake of this story.
> 
> So this isn't going to be the most fun story every, or the most fluffy one, but i hope you'll join me for a bit of angst and trying to deal with living on your own and being an 'adult'. To be clear, in this story I imagine Bokuto as being undiagnosed and therefoer unaware that he has ADHD, at least at the start of it.

Let it be known that Koutarou has a to do list. It’s nothing like those fancy planners he’s seem some old classmates use – you know the ones; colour coordinated, finished activities neatly crossed out – but it’s a to do list non the less. No one can say he isn’t trying to be organized! Forget the fact that it is scribbled in a bright pink gel pen on the back of an envelope, that is not the problem here. The problem is that it has been taped to the front door of his tiny apartment for the past two weeks. 

He is currently staring at it from a small distance, sitting on the floor of his living room, back leaning onto the couch while eating a bowl of cereal. He can’t make out his handwriting from this far away, but he can remember everything that's written on it. The first one on the list is currently burning his way into his brain. 

See the thing about Koutarou’s apartment is that it is not really an apartment. It’s more of a studio – no, scratch that. It’s a fifteen by fifteen feet space that contains his living room, kitchen and bedroom and that doubles as his art studio which is also his dining table, but who’s counting. His problem lies in his kitchen, which he is currently technically sitting in, and more specifically his fridge. 

Koutarou is trying to enjoy his bowl of cereal, but ever since getting his milk out of the fridge three minutes ago his entire apartment smells weird. He can’t exactly place the smell, it’s something rotten, but not quite like rotten eggs and it is sour and somehow warm. It is not the milk, Koutarou has concluded, as that is currently in his cereal and tastes perfectly fine, but it is definitely coming from the fridge. It has been like this for at least a week now.

He has tried solving the problem by spraying his entire room with axe body spray, but that just means he is currently enjoying his breakfast in a room that smells like a fuckboy threw up all over it. He shoves his last two spoonfuls of cereal – coco puffs by the way, always coco puffs – down his throat and sets the bowl onto his coffee table. It’s almost eight a.m. so Kuroo should be here any second. In the five minutes remaining he jumps around trying to get his place to look decent before his friend shows up. He smells every single piece of clothing lying on his couch and floor (and bed and sink) but ends up throwing them all in his hamper and decides to figure out the laundry situation later. He folds back his sheets so his bed looks like it has been made and throws all the cushions scattered around back onto the couch. He is about to try if a second mist of Axe will do the trick when Kuroo lets himself in.

“Dude,” he says as he stand in the door opening with a frown on his face. “This place smells like ass, what did you do?” 

Koutarou looks up at Kuroo and then back at the bottle in his hands “It smells like leather and cookies to be exact” he says reading off of the label. “Mixed with the mystery smell from my fridge that i told you about.” 

Kuroo closes the door behind him and makes a beeline for the windows so he can open one. Damn. Why didn’t Koutarou think of that. 

“That was two weeks ago, you idiot.” Kuroo lets in some fresh air, but it is not the quick solution that they were both hoping for it to be. Also. It is February and really fucking cold. “You still haven’t figured it out?” 

“I’m telling you, I’ve looked at everything!” Koutarou sprays more Axe in the general direction of his kitchen. _Who the fuck though leather and cookies was an appropriate smell for a deodorant?_

Kuroo coughs and makes the two steps it takes to reach his friend and grab the bottle from his hand. He tosses it onto the couch to prevent them both from choking – although Koutarou thinks he can barely smell the rotten scent any more, it is mostly deodorant now. 

Kuroo folds his long legs underneath him and sits down on his knees next to Koutarou’s fridge. “You gotta be missing something.” He says as he pushes around several half empty jars. Now that the fridge has been opened, the smell has gotten significantly worse. He can detect something earthy, he decides, as if he is a connoisseur of fine wines. 

Koutarou leans forward and places his head on top of Kuroo’s head so he can see in the fridge as well. There are quite a few half open packets, but nothing that looks mouldy or even past the expiration date. He is about to say ‘I told you so’ when Kuroo opens the drawer at the bottom for fruits and vegetables. 

Within half a second to smell has intensified to a point where Koutarou feels like he is about to vomit. A plastic bag filled with something brown peaks out from under two bell peppers that appear to have shrivelled up. Kuroo reaches in a hand and retrieves the bag using only his thumb and index finger.

“Out of the way!” he says and Koutarou takes a step back. He reaches for his trash can and just lifts the entire thing so his friend can throw away what appear to be carrots, but brown and in a state between liquid and solid. 

The bag hits the bottom of the trash can with a soft thump and even as Bokuto ties up the garbage bag, the smell remains.

“That’s the most disgusting thing I’ve ever seen,” Kuroo laughs. “Do you think they were alive?” 

Koutarou doesn’t reply and lifts the bag out of the trash can.

“Oh my god,” Kuroo slaps his own thigh and his laugh turns into a wheeze. “Two more days and those carrots would have come to murder you in your sleep.”

“’s not funny,” Koutarou mumbles but Kuroo seems to be having trouble containing himself. He takes the trashbag and heads to his front door so he can remove the entire thing from his room. His to do list mocks him from where he taped it up. 

 

_1\. Clean out your fridge._

 

Koutarou feels like closing all his curtains and crawling back into bed.

“Hey...” Kuroo’s voice softens. “I’m just joking, at least you figured out the problem, right?” 

Koutarou looks back at his friend and presses his lips together in a smile. “Let’s just get to work.” 

“Hey now,” Kuroo closes the fridge and slaps Koutarou’s shoulder. “Don’t go all emo on me over a bag of carrots. We all forget shit every now and then.”

“Sure,” Koutarou tries harder to make his smile seems genuine. “I don’t wanna talk about it any more, let’s just go.”

 

\-----------------

 

Koutarou is still moping about his stupid fridge a few hours later when he is wiping down tables at the Coffee House. Wednesdays’s are always slow days so thankfully not too many customers get to see him like this. He spent the larger part of his shift so far churning out fancy coffee after fancy coffee, but now that the morning rush is over he has far fewer distractions.

So instead he was watching Kuroo try his awful pick-up lines on Kenma, the boy who comes in once a week to write on all their chalk boards in beautiful calligraphy. He has been unabashedly flirting so for several weeks, but Kenma always ignores him or gives him the occasional eye-roll when the puns get out of hand. 

Currently, Kenma is standing on top of three stacked chairs to be able to reach the signs above the bar while Kuroo is supporting said chairs. Not that it is really necessary, but earlier he offered to let Kenma sit on his shoulders so this seems to be a decent compromise. 

“You know, Kenma,” Kuroo starts as he looks up at the shorter boy, who is now towering above him. “You could say that seeing you is the high point of my week.” 

Koutarou can’t see it from where he is standing, but he can practically feel Kenma roll his eyes. He feels like teasing Kuroo about it. He usually does, whenever Kuroo pulls out his crappy flirting skills, but today he can’t really be bothered. Although he does feel like he should maybe get Kenma out of an uncomfortable situation. It’s not that the blonde boy seems particularly annoyed or upset about the whole flirting thing, but Koutarou can see his face turn all red, even from here.

But it’s not necessary as Kenma has now finished up the last of his writings. Kuroo does offer him a hand when he climbs down the chairs, which Kenma refuses with the blush still on his face. 

“Too bad, buddy,” Koutarou says as Kuroo pulls his face into an exagerated pout and makes his way to the register. “Looks like he’s out of your league.”

“Don’t I know it,” Kuroo says and Kenma quickly disappears into the kitchen, likely to arrange his cheque with Suga.

 

Most of their shifts go something like this. With a bunch of teasing and messing around. He and Kuroo have worked at their friends coffee place ever since it re-opened about a year ago. Suga took over the Coffee House from his parents as soon as he finished high school turned it into a popular hang-out for the local college students. He and Kuroo put their high school volleyball connections to good use and managed to score a sweet side job to earn them some extra cash while they were both studying. It’s only recently that Koutarou started working here full time. 

When they arrived earlier this morning, Kuroo made sure to tell everyone about the carrot-debacle. Koutarou had tried his best to laugh along. Play it off as something quirky he had done. Such a goofball, such a lovable idiot. But he has always been one to wear his heart on his sleeve, so he had gone to work as quickly as possible. Leaving Suga and Yamaguchi to snicker behind their hands as he made the first latte of the day.

Why is it even bothering him so much. _God. Isn’t he supposed to be an adult by now?_ Adults are supposed to deal with their shit. But then again, adults are supposed to be able to keep their kitchens clean.

Adults are also supposed to just move on, but it’s been hours and he still hasn’t gotten over himself. He tries to take a deep breath as he takes the rag he used to clean tables with back into the kitchen. _Focus on work,_ he whispers to himself. _You like it here._

And he does like it here. He has quite a few shifts with Kuroo, which is always a blast, and it is great to already be friends with your boss. Especially one as fun to be around as Suga. So he doesn’t mind working here all week now that college has taken the back seat. He tells himself he could probably work here forever. Making drinks and trying his best to remember all the customers names like it’s a game he can beat his own high score at. 

He washes the rag out under the sink and lets the warm water run over his fingers a little longer than necessary. 

_Stop being such a baby._

“Bo! Come help at the register!” Kuroo yells right as Koutarou turns off the tap. 

He frowns. Wasn’t Kuroo at the register just now? Why can’t he help the customer himself? Kenma just left, so it’s not like he’s still too busy flirting.

As soon as Koutarou pushes through the kitchen door he can tell why Kuroo called him. Up at the register is the dark haired stranger that he has been eyeing up for several weeks now. His name is Akaashi, he knows that much since he writes it on his cup every single time, but it feels like cheating as they haven’t really talked much. Koutarou would like to talk, though.

Koutarou doesn’t have any trouble putting on a smile this time, as he walks up to greet him. He seems about his age, probably a college students judging by his bookbag and the fact that he has only ever ordered triple espressos. Also, let’s not forget, Koutarou thinks he is one of the most stunning people he has ever seen. 

Praise be with Kuroo. That guy is nothing if not a solid wingman. 

“Hi there!” Koutarou smiles. “Just your regular order for today?” 

The boys eyes widen, but only a little bit and then his lips curl into the tiniest smile. “Triple espresso?” he phrases it like it’s a question. Akaashi has been to the Coffee House a handful of times now, always several days apart and never at a consistent time. He probably didn’t expect his order to be memorized already, but Koutarou is determined to turn the guy into a regular customer. For business reasons, obviously. 

“Coming right up!” Koutarou grabs a paper cup with one hand and a Sharpie with the other. “Akaashi, right?” 

He’s obviously bullshitting. He remembered his name the very first time, but he doesn’t want to creep Akaashi out. _What if he thinks it’s strange Koutarou already knows his name? Was is strange that he remembered his order? Probably not right? This is his job after all._

The strangers eyes flick to the side and Koutarou likes to imagine that he is blushing. “Uhm… Yes. Thank you Bokuto-san.” 

“How do you know my name?” he says it before thinking it through.

“You… Your nametag?” he looks confused and Koutarou is pretty sure he can here Kuroo laugh at him from a short distance.

“Right!” he yelps. “Name tag, obviously.” 

Koutarou shakes his head blushes at his shoes, unsure of how much time passes as he does so. Probably too long because eventually Akaashi coughs politely. 

“Triple espresso!” Koutarou remembers. “Coming right up! Sorry Akaashi-san.” he says when he realizes that he himself is the one who is going to have to make the coffee. 

As he does, he catches Kuroo winking at him from where he is wiping down the display case. 

He doesn’t get many more words in with Akaashi – aside from a slightly too loud ‘hope to see you again!’ - before he leaves with his espresso in hand. 

Koutarou rests his head on top of the register as soon as Akaashi is out the door and groans.

“Am I going to have to wait another week before you finally ask his number?” Kuroo moans and he tosses the towel he has been using right at him. It sticks in his hair. “This is hopeless!”

“I’m not asking for anyone’s number” Bokuto says and he throws the towel back. “That would be very unprofessional” 

“Unprofessional my ass,” Suga says as he enters from the kitchen. Koutarou swears that guy hears _everything._ “How do you think I landed my fiancé?” 

He’s pretty sure Yamaguchi spits up his coffee.

“I hereby give you complete permission to flirt with the customers,” Suga continues. 

“I wouldn’t say that in front of Kuroo,” Yamaguchi snickers. “You won’t have any customers left.”

“Hey!” Kuroo says. “I’ll have you know I only flirt with Kenma.” 

“Albeit very poorly,” Suga says and the all burst out laughing. Except for Kuroo obviously.

Yeah. Working here is good, Koutarou thinks to himself as they continue their banter. He just needs to get over himself.

 

\-----------------------

 

When Koutarou gets home later that day, he finds himself in a pretty good mood. He managed to get himself out of his funk pretty well and they all went for a bite to eat after closing up. Distraction has always been his best medicine. It isn’t until he gets home a little after eight when he is reminded of the mess he left his apartment in. It is freezing cold as he steps inside as they had left the window open so he shivers as he takes off his coat. All this cold didn’t even pay off because his place still smells like shit. 

He mumbles some things under his breath that resemble _‘not now’_ and _‘for fucks sake’_ and he kicks his pants off on his way to bed. It is way too early to go to sleep but he climbs under his sheets anyway and pulls the blankets up all the way over his head. That way he can’t smell anything. Also it is warm. Also he can’t see his to-do list up on his door reminding him that this is another day when he hasn’t accomplished anything. 

He goes over the steps in his head. He should probably get everything out of his fridge first. And then wipe everything down with a towel or something. He just spent his entire day cleaning things up and the Coffee House, but he can’t get this done. 

He sticks an arm out from under the covers and feels around for his pants. His phone should still be in his pocket. When he finds it he can feel the cracks on the screen even if he can’t see them from under the blankets. That’s another thing on his list. Getting his phone fixed. He shattered the screen months ago, but only recently had the cracks gotten so bad that they hurt when he presses his phone up to his ear to make a call. He has to get that done too.

He shuffles under his sheets into a more comfortable position and unlocks his phone. He has two messages. One from Kuroo with a video of a cat that he will watch later or maybe never and one from his mom that he decides to also postphone. He doesn’t have work tomorrow but he sets his alarm anyway. One for nine, one for nine thirty, one for ten and then closes his eyes and lets himself drift to sleep.


	2. Get your phone fixed

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bokuto continues his attempts to get his shit together and tries to get a few more things crossed off his list.

The next morning, Koutarou wakes up approximately fourteen times. A few times before his alarm, a few awful times during his alarm and then he just keeps hitting snooze. He doesn’t have anything to do today. No work. And no school any more, although that is starting to feel like less of a relief than it did a few weeks back. He knows that Kuroo has a lecture around noon, so if he’s early he might have some time to go bother his friend before he has to leave. But right now he is just rejecting the option to snooze again and instead pulling up Youtube on his phone. He watches a guy respond to some video he hasn’t seen and a make-up tutorial that was somehow recommended in his sidebar that he can’t quite follow as he slowly straightens his back against the headboard of his bed. 

He isn’t really watching, he stares at his kitchen instead. He should at least wipe down the drawer that the carrots were in. Nothing else. Just get that done so he can feel a little better about himself. 

How much would a new fridge cost? And it is in that moment, when Koutarou catches himself on such a ridiculous thought, that he pushes himself up and rolls into his kitchen. 

Fucking carrots. Fucking fridge. Koutarou gets some wet wipes from the cupboard and takes a deep breath. Such an idiot. _Get over yourself,_ he whispers as he wipes down the drawer, then the door of the fridge and then the rest of it too while he’s at it. The pile of wet wipes on the floor next to him grows and his nose fills with their lemony, chemically scent. Better than fucking carrots. 

He tosses all the wipes onto his counter top, he hasn’t actually put a new garbage bag into the trash can yet, and then throws himself onto the couch. He feels his heart beat a tiny bit faster than usual and he can feel a rush of energy in his throat. He should go for a run really. He could just run to Kuroo’s place. That would take him maybe twenty minutes and then hang out for a bit and run back. Get all of the jitters out of his system. He would probably feel better.

Within about two minutes he has pulled himself into his running shorts and grabbed his phone and earbuds, ready to get out the door. He bends his left knee and pulls it up by his foot, switches to his right and considers his stretching done. Does he have his keys? Yeah. Phone? Already in his hand. 

Great. Time to get in the swing of things. Going out for a run. Going to see Kuroo. Work again tomorrow. He makes his way out the door and feels the soft sunlight on his face. He doesn’t even remember to put his music on. He loves to run. Koutarou has always found it easier to think when he’s _moving._ He doesn’t have much to think about specifically, right now, or he tries not too. But running is great to let his mind wander. 

 

\--------------

 

He has a spare set of Kuroo’s keys attached to his own keyring and Kuroo has his. It’s been like that ever since they moved out here for college. In their first year they had keys to each others dorm rooms and now they just let themselves in to the others apartments. This is especially great because Kuroo tends to blast his music on his headphones so he probably wouldn’t even hear the doorbell if Koutarou tried. 

Kuroo lives on the second floor of a house that he shares with three other people. He has his own bedroom, but they all share the kitchen and bathroom. Koutarou has to listen to him complain about his room mates – and the plates they leave in the sink – all the time, but he knows Kuroo loves it. If Kuroo would be stranded on a dessert island and was only allowed to bring three things, he would probably take three other people. And they’d probably all have a great time, too. Koutarou thinks he would probably be invited to the island and well. Maybe Suga and Yamaguchi, too. Or maybe one of Kuroo’s housemates, that girl with the dark hair he gets along with pretty well. But regardless, this island would probably be a blast because Kuroo lives for that kind of shit. Just being with people. Koutarou loves that about him. 

He is thinking about all the bad-ass parties you could throw on an island when he makes his way into Kuroo house and up the stairs. The door to his room a slightly ajar and Koutarou can already hear the muffled music. 

“Brooooooo!” He yells as he skips into the room and immediately throws himself onto Kuroo’s bed. 

From this new, fun laying down position he can see Kuroo sit at his desk with his laptop. He quickly finishes typing something and then spins around in his chair.

“Dude, I have class in like an hour,” he says, but he does it with a smirk so it’s all good. 

“I knoooow,” Koutarou rolls onto his back. “But feed me breakfast, I’m hungry.”

“You can help yourself to my wonderful assortment of cup ramen, but I really have to go over my essay one more time before I hand it in later.” 

He groans, but gets up anyway. The kitchen is right next to Kuroo’s room and Koutarou knows he’s got all the fancy ramen flavours. 

“Dude,” Kuroo looks up at him as he is about to walk out. “Did you really just lay in my bed in your stinky ass workout clothes?” 

Koutarou grins. “You know it, buddy.” And he darts out of the room. 

 

 

Minutes later he is sitting on Kuroo’s bed again, content with his shrimp noodles. 

“What’s the essay about?” he mumbles in between bites.

“It’s about this experiment we did earlier in class. It’s about copper and shit,” Kuroo is glossing over his work and only occasionally going in to fix a mistake. “But how about you?” 

“What about me?” 

“You know,” Kuroo looks over his shoulder. “Do you know when you’re gonna come back to school, yet?” 

Koutarou buries his face a little deeper into the plastic cup. The warm air makes his face all red, he can feel it. 

“Dunno,” he says.

And that is the truth. He really has no idea what he’s going to do about the whole thing. About two months ago he was barely going to classes any more. And every time he skipped, he could feel the pressure press down harder onto his shoulders. His grades were slipping, they hadn’t been that great in the first place, but he just couldn’t get himself to go any more. He kept wishing it would all just go away, all the stress and the feeling of being so overwhelmed. So then he made it go away and decided to take a break from school. Just for a little bit. It wasn’t like he had much of a deadline set for himself. Graduated by 21, successful job at 23, married with kids at 30. That isn’t his plan anyway. Although he’s not really sure what _is_ at this point. He doesn’t even know what he would consider a successful job. He is – well _was_ \- studying psychology. And while he finds it all very interesting he doesn’t really know where it is going to take him. He has tried to imagine himself as a psychologist before. With a notebook in hand, listening to people’s problems and shit. But that all feels very fake. 

“Well, you might want to look into it again,” Kuroo interrupts his thoughts in a gentle voice. “’Cause it’s been nearly two months know.” 

Koutarou sets his cup noodles on the ground next to te bed. The thought of going to one of his classes again makes him feel like his tongue is suddenly too big for his throat. Like he is about to choke on himself. 

“I just feel like college isn’t the right thing for me, you know,” he says instead and he grabs his phone from his pocket so he doesn’t have to look his friend in the face. “I just gotta work for a bit, nice and easy, and I’ll figure it out eventually. 

Kuroo doesn’t say anything, but Koutarou can see him lean his elbows onto his knees in his peripheral vision. 

His looks up at him and smiles. He really doesn’t want Kuroo to worry about him. 

“I’m fine,” he says “ _really._ ”

He grabs his phone so he has something to do. He tries to make it look like this was the plan anyway. Kuroo probably isn’t staring at him any more, he thinks. 

“Dude,” isn’t it about time you get that screen fixed?” Kuroo asks right when Koutarou opens up a game that features kittens. 

“’S not a big deal,” Koutarou doesn’t look up. “

He thinks he hears Kuroo sigh but he’s not sure, maybe he’s making it up. He runs his thumb over the cracks and accidentally closes the app he just opened.

“There’s a place where you can get it fixed right down the street,” Kuroo says. “You can swing by when I have to leave for school. It won’t take that long.” 

Koutarou pockets his phone. “That’s probably a good idea,” he looks up at his friend and smiles. “How longs your lecture?” 

“A few hours, but we can hang after,” Kuroo turns back to his laptop and slaps it shut. “We could watch Tangled again if you’d like?” 

“Yes!” Koutarou has been begging him to watch the movie again for weeks. He could watch it by himself but it’s just better if you’re not the only one who singing along.

“Promise me you’re not gonna cry again though.” 

“Have you seen the way Eugene looks at her, Kuroo, how am I supposed to contain my emotions?”

 

\-----------------------

 

Half an hour later Koutarou is out the door, with the address for the phone store already typed into Google Maps. It’s not quite as ‘down the street’ as Kuroo said it was, but it’s only a five minute walk so it’s all good. He is in his work-out clothes so he could run, but since he has to pay attention to his GPS he decides to take it slow. If the store can get his phone fixed today he can cross another thing off his to-do list by tonight and he’ll get to watch one of his favourite movies with his favourite person. 

The phone store turns out to be a hole-in-the-wall type place that’s hidden in between a bakery and a bike shop. If Kuroo hadn’t given him the address he probably would have walked right past it. When he enters, a small buzzer goes off. Probably to notify an employee, because there is nobody behind the register right now. 

The store is small, only a desk with the register, a few chairs and a wall lined completely with chargers, phone-cases and cables that Koutarou doesn’t quite know the purpose off. He checks out a phone case that has little penguins on it, but sadly it is not for his type of phone. He probably should get a case though, once his screen is fixed.

“How can I help you today, sir?”

Before Koutarou turns around he already recognizes the voice. 

Oh boy. 

Behind the register stands the boy from the coffee shop. Akaashi. 

“Oh,” Akaashi says softly. Not quite a whisper. “I didn’t expect to see you here.” 

He looks different in his work clothes. He’s wearing a bright blue shirt with the logo from the store on it, but it’s covered by one of the long cardigans that Koutarou has seen him wear more often. He has a lanyard around his neck and a small blush on his cheeks. It is pretty warm in the store, though, or is that jut him?

“Yes!” Koutarou blurts out. “I mean..... my phone!” 

He pulls it out of his pocket and nearly slams it onto the desk. 

“Ahh, cracked the screen,” Akaashi says and he walks around Koutarou toward the wall and starts looking over all the different products in the corner. “Im guessing you would like to get it fixed?” 

“Yes, please.” Koutarou runs his hands through his hair.

Akaashi softly taps a few different products before settling on one and taking it back to the register. “It should only take a couple of minutes,” Akaashi says. Instead of making eye-contact he looks down at the phone. “You could… You could just have a seat while I finish it up for you?” 

“That would be great!” Koutarou says and he wonders if his voice is too loud. It echoes a little through the store which reminds him that it is very quiet in here. Which reminds him that it is just the two of them in here. That makes him nervous, but also a little giddy. He should think of something clever to say.

“I didn’t know you were so smart!” he says. 

Nope. No. That was not smooth.

Akaashi stops opening up the package that contains his new phone screen and stares at him with a frown.

“I didn’t mean it like that!” Koutarou adds quickly. “I just mean… You come in for coffee sometimes and I didn’t know you were like good with technology and stuff.” 

Akaashi still doesn’t say anything, but his frown lets up a little.

“It’s just...” Koutarou says “I would have no idea how to do any of this. Kuroo still helps me download new music onto my phone and stuff so you must be pretty smart, I mean.”

“I’m not particularly smart,” Akaashi says. His voice is slow, but purposeful, like he thinks about every word before saying it out loud. “My father owns this shop, so I’ve been helping him since I was young.” 

“That’s cool!” Koutarou says. “Do you like it here?” 

Akaashi picks up Koutarou’s phone. “Would you mind turning this off for me?” he says. “I can’t repair your phone when it’s turned on.” 

“Oh, sure,” Koutarou quickly turns off his phone and hands it back to Akaashi, being very careful that their hands don’t touch. 

He takes a seat on one of the chairs after this. 

It is quiet in the store for a few moments. Akaashi fiddles with his phone and Koutarou fiddles with his hands. He’s not quite sure what to say. Mostly because he isn’t sure if he should say anything at all. He is looking down at his gym shorts – probably over four years old and with a small ketchup stain on one leg – and suddenly wishes he was wearing his regular clothes. Something a little more impressive at least. 

“I don’t mind it,” Akaashi says after a while.

“Huh?” Koutarou looks up at him and catches his glance for a brief second.

“You asked if I enjoy working here,” Akaashi says. “I don’t mind it.” 

“Oh,” Koutarou frowns, unsure how to reply. “Okay.” 

“I like working with computers more,” he continues. “Coding and stuff. I really like things like that.” 

“So you _are_ smart!” Koutarou says. “That must be pretty difficult.” 

Akaashi smiles, but doesn’t reply to his statement. “I go to school for that,” 

“Then it must be pretty boring fixing screens all day,” Koutarou says. “When you’re so smart and all.” 

At this point, Koutarou is pretty confident that Akaashi is blushing. 

“I guess?” he says. “But it’s mostly the customers that are a bother.” 

“Me?”

“No not you,” He thinks he can see the beginning of a smile on Akaashi’s face. “But some people can be rude. They will blame me for their broken phones or their internet speed. Things like that.” 

“Ahh...” Koutarou thinks he can relate to that. “Sometimes at the Coffee House we get people who complain that they have to wait too long. But it’s like, I can’t work any faster! And sometimes there are just so many people in line!” 

This time Akaashi cracks a genuine smile and Koutarou’s glad he’s sitting down for it. 

“So what do you wanna do after you finish school?” he asks. 

“I’m not quite sure yet,” Akaashi says. “But I think I would love to be my own boss.” 

“That sounds awesome! I think I’d like that too, but I probably wouldn’t be as good of a boss as Suga is. He’s pretty great!” 

“Are you always this excited about things, Bokuto-san?” Akaashi asks. 

Koutarou has to think about that for a second. “I guess so,” he says and he bites his lip for a brief moment before adding. “But I think you’re pretty fun to talk to, so that helps.”

Koutarou is sure that he is now blushing himself as well. 

“Eh… Your phone,” Akaashi says in a soft voice. “I think it’s all done.” 

Koutarou jumps up from his seat. “That was so fast!” He says. 

Akaashi shows him his phone with a brand new screen, looking good as new. He pays for the repare and is a little sad that it look so little time. 

He pockets his phone and heads for the door. “Will I see you at the Coffee House some time?” he asks, trying to make eye-contact.

Akaashi’s eyes meet his, but only briefly. “Yes, that seems nice.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tangled is the best Disney movie, fight me about it :)
> 
> All of your comments on the previous chapter have been absolutely lovely!! They mean a lot to me. 
> 
> It took a little longer than i would have liked to get this chapter out, but I'm really happy with it so I think it's all good :)
> 
> I hope you have a good day!!


	3. Call your mother

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things always get better before they get worse.

Koutarou doesn’t technically have to wait long for Akaashi to show up at the Coffee House, but it feels like ages. He has work for four consecutive days after seeing his sort-of-crush at the phone repair store, so when he doesn’t show up the first three days, Koutarou gets a bit giddy. 

Day four is a pretty slow day. They have their usual lunch rush, but it’s nothing he and Kuroo can’’t handle. He really likes the days when it’s just the two of them working, but the aforementioned giddiness makes it a bit hard to focus on their usual banter. Suga is also around, but he is working on his laptop on some financial business Koutarou doesn’t understand. 

Right as a large group of college students leave the shop, the gods finally grant Koutarou’s wish, and Akaashi makes his way inside. 

Koutarou is behind the register and he tries to signal Kuroo by coughing softly as Akaashi takes off his coat. Strange. He’s never taken off his coat before. Is it warm in here? Koutarou is only wearing the black button-up that is part of his uniform, so it’s not particularly _cold,_ but still. 

“Good to see you!” he says to break the silence. Suga insist that the Coffee House only play ambient music and no radio – he says it’s important for the atmosphere – but Koutarou sure wishes it was a bit louder right now. Then maybe he could disguise the fact that his voice sounds pitchier than normal.

“Nice to see you too,” Akaashi looks at his feet. “I would like to have my coffee here today.” 

Koutarou manages to say “You can just take a seat and have a look at our menu, I’ll be right over to take your order.” His brain, however, is making noises that are far less comprehensible. 

He searches for eye contact with Kuroo and makes a face that he thinks conveys his emotions pretty well. Eyes wide, mouth open. 

Kuroo mimics his dumb face and when Koutarou sees on his friend how obvious he’s being, he straightens up and casually makes his way to the table where Akaashi is sitting.

He has chosen a booth all the way in the back. Koutarou likes that spot as well. You can’t hear the sound of the coffee machines that well from over there and the fact that it’s a booth is always a plus. There is also an outlet to plug in his phone, so Koutarou uses that sneakily when he forgets to charge his stuff. 

“How can I help you?” Koutarou asks and he immediately regrets sounding so customer-servicy

Akaashi looks up from the menu and Koutarou decides to grab his second chance. “Just a triple espresso?” 

He smiles. “You must be pretty smart as well.”

“Huh?” Koutarou asks. Which is definitely the smart-person thing to say.

“Since you can remember everyone’s orders I mean,” Akaashi puts the menu down and – is that a smile? More of a questioning type face?

Koutarou scratches behind his ear with the hand that isn’t clutching his notepad. He doesn’t even know why he brought that, habit, probably. “There’s really not much else to do,” he says. “So I make it a little game for myself.” 

“A game?” 

“Yeah! Me and Kuroo keep score,” he points vaguely in the direction of the register, where his friend is currently loafing around. “I usually win though” 

“That does sound fun,” Akaashi says with a smile. “Did Kuroo-san have any recurring problems with his phone, now that we’re on the subject?”

“Kuroo?” 

“Yes?” he tilts his head the tiniest amount. “He came into the shop a little over a week ago with a software problem.” 

Koutarou glances at his friend who is definitely eavesdropping on their conversation. Kuroo grins so wide he shows his teeth. Koutarou is pretty sure that if Akaashi wasn’t here right now he would have thrown in some finger guns. That seems right up his alley. What a gorgeous idiot he is. 

“Bokuto-san?” 

“Yes!” Koutarou quickly turns back to the guy he was definitely trying to hit on. Too distracted by his choice in friends and unsure whether he regrets it or not.

“I would like that triple espresso,” Akaashi says. “And one blueberry muffin, please.” 

“Coming right up!”

As Koutarou makes his way back to his work station he wishes he could yell at Kuroo who is definitely still smiling at him. But Akaashi is probably within hearing distance and he also has to prepare the order, so he will make do with eye-contact for now. 

As he is preparing the drink, the shop fills up with more people. A few regulars and some college students looking for caffeine. They bring with them the necessary business, so Koutarou can’t justify spending huge amounts of time on a single customer any more. Although he and Akaashi do manage to exchange some smiles during Akaashi’s stay at the coffee house. He wishes it lasted longer, but it’s almost closing time anyway, so they end up waving goodbye with a promise of a next time.

 

\---------------

 

“Kou, can you come over for a bit?” Suga says and he shuts his laptop. “I wanna have a chat.”

They are just about finished cleaning up. Most of the chairs are already on the table, except for the one at Suga’s sitting on and the lights are turned off. It would be a bit spooky if Koutarou wasn’t so familiar with the space.

“Eh… Sure?” Koutarou takes off his apron. Is he in trouble? He doesn’t think he did anything wrong. He has been working just like always. Was it the flirting? That couldn’t be, Suga said himself that he didn’t mind.

He flips a chair and sits across from his friend, who feels a little more like his boss now. 

“Hey, don’t worry,” Suga assures him. He has such a soft smile. He must have seen on Koutarou’s face that he was worried. Kuroo tells him he is an open book. “Nothing bad going on, I just wanted to ask you how you’re doing.” 

“Me?” Koutarou asks. “I’m fine.” 

See, he doesn’t always understand why Kuroo calls him an open book. When he pays attention, Koutarou thinks, he makes a pretty convincing liar. And with the way things have been going today, he thinks he could even convince himself.

“I just wanted to know what your plans are with school?” Suga asks. “Because it’s been a few months now since you stopped going.” 

“Oh...” Koutarou frowns. “Is it not okay for me to be working full-time anymore?”

“No, no!” Suga says. “I love having you here, you know that, but school is very important as well.” 

“You sound like, Kuroo,” he leans back in his chair and resists the urge to pull up his knees. 

“That’s why I’m talking to you actually,” Suga says with a sheepish smile. “He came up to me yesterday-”

“Why would he do that?” Koutarou interupts. His mind flashing back to the conversation he had with Kuroo earlier this week. He told his friend that he was fine. That he didn’t need him to fuss.

“He seemed really worried, Kou.” Suga says. “He said you haven’t really been yourself lately. That you cancel plans last minute? That you aren’t eating properly.” 

“I am doing just fine, I don’t need you to worry about me.” He tries to keep his voice as steady as possible. He wants to stand up and walk away from the conversation, but that would probably make Suga even more concerned.

“I just want to make sure you are taking good care of yourself,” Suga says. There is that smile again. “I care a lot about you, you know that right?” 

“Thank you, Suga,” Koutarou gets up for real this time. “But I am doing just fine. I’ll let you know when I decide what I’m gonna do with school.” 

He goes to grab his goat his coat in the kitchen and doesn’t make eye contact when Suga when he leaves through the front door. Kuroo is waiting for his outside, leaned against the wall, sipping some of the leftover coffee from a take-away cup. He lifts an eyebrow.

“You okay?” he asks and it's so nonchalant that it pisses Koutarou off for some reason.

“Yes!” He says, more loudly than necessary. “Why do you keep asking that! And why did you go talk to Suga?”

Kuroo stands up straight. Koutarou expected him to look surprised at this accusation, but he doesn't, which is worse. “No need to yell, dude, I’m just really worried.” 

“Why?” Koutarou knows that he is yelling, but he doesn’t give a shit. “I told you I was fine.” 

“Your mom has been texting me, Bo,” Kuroo says. His voice is soft, which makes his own rise in volume stand out even more. “She says you haven’t texted her in weeks. She doesn’t even know that you quit school.”

That catches Koutarou off guard. He had been meaning to call his mom. It was on the list, but he had been pushing it off as always. “Did you tell her?” He asks in a softer voice.

“That’s not my job dude,” Kuroo says. “But you can’t keep that from her, you can’t just stop talking to her when shit gets tough.” 

“She doesn’t need to know right know,” he looks at his shoes. “I’ll tell her once I figure stuff out.” 

“She’s worried about you, man.” Kuroo says. There's a catch in his throat that Koutarou can't quite place. “You can’t just shut people out like that, you need to tell her what’s wrong.” 

“Stop telling me what to do, for fucks sake,” Koutarou says. “I’m not a little kid any more.”

“Well then stop fucking acting like one,” Kuroo yells. There is anger in his voice. He doesn’t think he’s heard his friend like that before. 

He takes a step back and there is a brief moment of silence as they stare at each other. Their words hang in the air.

“I’ll see you at work,” Koutarou says and he turns around and walks away.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this chapter took well over a month, not something I'm proud of, but I got there in the end. I had to take a little step back to figure out some more characterization before I could write this part. Since this is heavily based on real experiences I had to work out the differences between myself and the character I'm writing about. 'Cause it turns out you can't blantantly make yourself the main character in a story, because shit will get real personal real fast. So that was a bit of a learning experience! I also want to do Bokuto justice as he is such a great character. I wanted to make sure I wasn't taking away from that. 
> 
> This chapter was originally going to be longer, but since it took me so long to get this part finished I figured it might be best to leave it here and just add an extra chapter. So sorry not sorry for this cliffhanger :)
> 
> Thanks again for all the lovely comments!!


	4. Call Your Mother pt. 2

It’s been three days since he spoke to Kuroo and Koutarou is staring at their thread of text messages. They texted a bit yesterday, but only because Kuroo needed to know if he left his sweatshirt at his place. Koutarou had said that he hadn’t even though he had. He doesn’t really know why. He should get out of bed. His alarm went off half an hour ago, only an hour until his shift starts.

The last few days were weird and awful in ways that he didn’t quite expect. He wants to text Kuroo about the surprising twist in the Netflix show he is watching. He wants to share the trick he learned on the internet where you put teabags in your fridge to stop it from smelling bad. 

Usually that’s how he fixes things between them. He’ll act like nothing happened and jump right back into happy, bubbly conversation. Kuroo lets him get away with that most of the time, but Koutarou doesn’t want to do that this time. Mostly because he doesn’t want to talk to him anyway. Usually it’s Koutarou fucking up, but Kuroo had no right to get all up in his business like that. He should be the one to break the silence. Koutarou thinks he should even apologize. 

Koutarou also thinks he should just call in sick for work today. He’s already too late to eat breakfast and he should probably forget about taking a shower too. He rolls onto his side and drops his phone to the floor with a soft thump. His jeans are crumpled up next to his bed right where he took them off last night. Would Suga even believe him if he called in sick? He might. He can’t imagine Suga’s voice saying that he should suck it up and come to work regardless, but it would definitely make him more worried. He might end up in another one of those talks. That’s the last thing he needs right now.

Koutarou groans and wrestles himself out from under his sheets. It’s only a short shift today. Six hours. What kind of loser would he be if he couldn’t even pull that off. What would his friends even think. That he quit school and can’t even be bothered to show up for work either. 

Lazy. Lazy. Lazy.

That should be on his to-do list, really; just get your ass out of bed.

 

\-------

 

 

He runs into the Coffee House only a few minutes late. The lights inside are still turned off, but the chairs are already turned right side up.

“Sorry, sorry!” He says as he wiggles out of his jacket and hangs it up by the door.

“Mornin’ Koutarou,” Suga yells from the kitchen – the same direction as the lovely smell of baked goods. 

Kuroo is behind the register. He peers up at his from behind his fringe but doesn’t say anything. The music hasn’t been turned on yet and the silence is thick like a fog in the room. He thinks he sees the corners of Kuroo’s mouth turn into a soft smile, but he can’t be sure.

“Your shirt is buttoned wrong,” Koutarou jumps as Kenma pops up out of left field. He hadn’t even noticed the boy yet.

He looks down at his chest and sees that, indeed, his shirt is buttoned all crooked. 

“Whoopsie!” he says and his voice sound pitchier than usual, but he gets to fixing his shirt right away. 

“Always such a sharp eye,” Kuroo says and he props himself up so that he is sitting on the counter. 

Kenma gets his fancy chalkboard markers out of his bag and explicitly avoids making eye-contact with Kuroo. “It’s almost like I chose my profession based on my eye for detail.” 

Koutarou is almost positive he can see Kuroo’s jaw drop.

Kenma tucks his hair behind his ears and starts with the outline of words on one of the chalkboards by the entrance.

Normally he would love to join in on this banter. He loves every opportunity to make fun of Kuroo’s attempts at flirting, but he doesn’t think he can pull it off today. He’s walking the line between joking and saying something hurtful and he probably shouldn’t risk it. 

That’s probably why their argument got to him so much. Not just because he misses he best friend, but because the people close to you always know just what to say to get to you.

He makes his way to the coffee machines to start them up. He knows that Kuroo really likes Kenma. He has told him several times, in the middle of the night during sleepovers and in tipsy text messages. He’s just bad at everything that comes with it. In their first year off college Kuroo slipped right into the role of typical bad boy, the stuff that works with girls at parties. But now he can’t seem to figure out how to slip out of it.

“Ouch” Kuroo says and he pouts. “It’s a compliment, you know, I think you’re pretty great at what you do.” 

That’s it, Kuroo, get him with compliments! Koutarou can’t help but feel invested. He’s upset with his friend, but that doesn’t mean he doesn’t deserve this. He thinks it would be good for Kuroo to be in a nice relationship. It’s not as if he liked those girls at those parties anyway. Not really.

Kenma looks over his shoulder at Kuroo for a brief moment, but doesn’t say anything before he turns back to the sign he is working on. 

He’s glad he’s not Kuroo, honestly. Koutarou can’t seem to figure Kenma out. He’s definitely seen the boy blush at some of Kuroo’s compliments, but he’s never said anything to show interest. 

Maybe Koutarou should be a better wingman. Kuroo helped him out quite a bit with Akaashi after all, sneakily sending him to the shop his crush worked at. But today that secrecy rubs him the wrong way. Kuroo could have just told him. Did he not trust that Koutarou could handle it himself? He didn’t need to be tricked into it like a little kid eating his vegetables. He could figure it out himself. 

There is a knock on the door and Koutarou looks up over the coffee machine. Speak of the devil.

Akaashi is peeking through the window, trying to open the door. Is he not aware that the Coffee house isn’t open yet? Koutarou catches Kuroo looking, but he seems just as confused as him. 

Koutarou goes to unlock the door from the inside. Rather than letting Akaashi in, he steps outside himself, not quite knowing what to say. Akaashi is wearing a big scarf, it’s early in the morning and there is a cold breeze. Koutarou wishes he was wearing his jacket.

“We- We aren’t open yet,” he says. Akaashi stands quite close to him, both of them right in front of the door.

“I know,” he says and he looks at his shoes. “But I wanted to ask you something before you get too busy at work.”

Koutarou’s heartbeat picks up speed. “Oh,” he manages.

“Please let me know if I’ve been interpreting things incorrectly,” Akaashi says, he looks up. Still not making eye-contact, but letting his eyes linger around Koutarou’s waist. “But since we seem to be getting along really well I was wondering if you wanted to go see a movie with-” 

“Yes” Koutarou says. Doesn’t have to think twice. He’d join him to an dumpster at this point. “A movie. With you. I’d like that.” 

Akaashi’s eyes finally meet his, but it is in a frown. “I mean... as a date.” He digs his face deeper into his big scarf so Koutarou can only see his eyes, although he thinks there might be a blush on the other boys cheeks.

“A date sounds great!”

“Like a romantic date,” Akaashi’s voice is muffled behind his scarf and even so it is barely a whisper.

Koutarou thinks he has never seen him look so unsure of himself. Akaashi is usually so poised. 

“You should give me your number,” he says already handing Akaashi his phone. Then he adds softly. “That way we could set up that romantic date.” 

Akaashi smiles, finally, though Koutarou still can’t see his mouth, but he can see the crinkles around his eyes as he types his number into the phone. 

“We could text after you are done with work and arrange something.” Akaashi says and he hands Koutarou his phone back. Their hands don’t touch, but he wishes they had. 

He stands to smile at Akaashi for a moment. “I was actually really hoping that you would want to go on a date with me,” he says. “I just wasn’t quite sure when to bring it up.”

Akaashi grins and he steps past him, ready to leave again. “I had figured as much,” he says. “You can be quite easy to read at times.”

 

Pleased with himself and over the moon, Koutarou makes his way back inside. Both Kuroo and Kenma look up from what they’re doing, probably wondering themselves what that conversation was about. As he makes his way back to the coffee machines, he catches Kuroo’s eyes. He wants to tell his friend, he’s practically bursting from excitement, but he doesn’t quite know how to start that conversation. Does he just go _Heyheyhey, guess who’s got a date tonight?_ That doesn’t seem quite right.

“Was that the boy you’re always flirting with?” Kenma says to break the silence.

Koutarou had never realized that Kenma was so aware of the situation. Sure, he had been around often enough, but he always seemed to be caught up in his own thoughts.

“It was,” Koutarou says. “We agreed to go see a movie together.” 

Kenma doesn’t say anything at that so the Coffee House falls into silence for a brief moment.

“I’m happy for you, Bo” Kuroo says. His voice is soft and so is his smile. 

“So am I,” he says. Possible responses flash through his mind, before his mind sticks to one. “Looks like I can manage things just fine without your help.”

They don’t speak a single unnecessary word during the rest of their shift.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yet another month where i barely managed to write 2000 words hehe… But we're not giving up!! I have to more chapters planned out and I'm very excited and determined. Also I'm finally on my summer break, so I've got plenty of time!
> 
> This was technically supposed to be the second part of the previous chapter, since they're both quite short, but the flow would be a little weird that way, so two tiny chapters it is!
> 
> I am a tiny bit annoyed because i have this subplot for Kuroo and Kenma all planned out in my brain, but I just can't figure out how to squeeze it in here. So it's very much in the background for now, but i really want to be able to wrap it up nicely! I might write it as a little one-shot once i finish this work, but lets not look that far ahead :)
> 
> Thanks for sticking with me! I hope to have the next chapter up soon-ish


	5. Get a Haircut

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You can't always get what you want.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (this chapter contains descriptions of anxiety)

Koutarou looks at himself in the mirror. Tongue peaking out of his mouth, a strand of hair pulled down his forehead and a pair of scissors dangerously close to his eyes. He has never cut his own hair, but up until two minutes ago he figured it couldn’t be that hard. It’s just hair right? He could probably fix mistakes with hair gel later, but he doesn’t want to risk it. Especially not today.

He looks at the digital clock on his microwave. An hour and a half until his date. 

They’re going to see a movie Suga was really excited about and get something the eat afterwards. Classic date stuff. Maybe he could show him to his favourite ramen place, the one he and Kuroo always visit when they’re in the good part of town. _Or not._ They could take the train back to his station and go for a walk in the park near the creak. They could do tons of things. _Would it be weird to text Akaashi to ask? Is that to pushy?_ He is not very good at these sort of things. 

Koutarou has only been in one relationship relationship in his entire life and it lasted for a whole three weeks. He was seventeen and head over heels and he doesn’t really talk about it. Not even with Kuroo, they weren’t really that close at the time. He doesn’t tries not to think about it any more. Keep the past in the past.

He decides to drop the scissors. Cutting his own hair probably wasn’t a good idea in the first place. He really, really needs to get a haircut, though. Bits and pieces of it are getting too long to properly style the way he likes it and he needs it to look perfect today. He needs one less thing to worry about. One thing off of his to-do list. What he really needs is a win, actually. His last win was three days ago when Akaashi asked him out but it’s been downhill from there. Too many naps. No shifts to distract him, no Kuroo to distract him. 

Kuroo is usually the one who cuts his hair. Maybe that’s why he’s stressing out about it so much. 

It started about a year and a half ago, when Koutarou had his hair fall far over his ears. Kuroo asked about it and he tried to explain his weird thing with haircuts. It’s the sound of the scissors and the feeling of small pieces of hair that stick to his neck until he has taken at least three showers. He had been worried that Kuroo would think it was weird. Hell, Koutarou thought it was weird too. A little childish, but it would build up in his head until making an appointment at the hairdressers seemed like too big of a hurdle. His mom would cut it when he went home on the holidays. In the small safety of the bathroom of his childhood home. He could wear beanies. Make it for a few more months.

But Kuroo didn’t seem to think it was that weird. He also revealed a real knack for cutting hair and offered to give it a shot. He said he had to figure something out after years of untameable hair. 

So every few months they would lock themselves into the bathroom that Koutarou shared with several roommates and very carefully cut his hair. 

But he doesn’t want to wear a beanie today. He really wants to look good and he really wants to figure it out by himself. 

He looks up the hairdressers closest to him. Would he even still have time? He had sort of counted on being able to cut his hair himself. He shouldn’t have waited until the last few hours, but the past few days the choice between chilling in bed and going through sensory hell had been pretty easy. 

He finds an address on his phone. _Should he call beforehand?_ He should probably leave soon, though. 

He runs his hands over his pockets. Keys. Phone. Wallet. Chapstick.

He makes it out the door, glad that he picked out his outfit ten minutes after agreeing to go on this date. His good jeans, the dark wash ones, the red sweater his mom got him for christmas – she says it makes him looks like a handsome young man – and the sturdy boots he wears to work because he never wears any other pair of shoes. It’s the go-to outfit for when he wants to look good. Tried and true, it’s been focus-grouped and it works. Picking clothes isn’t going to be a problem until the second date.

Please, please let him get to a second date.

 

\---------------------------

 

Koutarou has to wait for over half an hour at the hairdressers before they can squeeze him in for an appointment. He sits in a big leather chair, flipping through a fashion magazine from two years ago and tries to relax. He resists the urge to pull his feet up to his chest. 

_You’re just getting a haircut. No big deal. People do it all the time. Stop being such a baby. Just focus on this interview with a celebrity you’ve never heard of. Apparently she has done a lot for charity. Ah, yes. Very interesting._

“Bokuto-san?” he looks up from his magazine and sees a blond lady who could easily be two feet shorter than him.

_See? She looks nice. Definitely harmless._

The nice-not-harmless lady guides him to a chair all the way in the back of the store. Koutarou catches his reflection in every single mirror on the way there. His clothes look great. His expression looks terrified. 

“Sorry for the wait,” the lady puts her hands on the side of Koutarou’s arms and guides him down into the chair. “What can I help you with today?”

“Um… Well, I just need it trimmed,” he looks at his hair in the mirror. Unsure how to explain it. Kuroo just knows what he wants. It’s always the same. 

The hairdresser drapes the cape around him and fastens it around his neck. Koutarou swallows thickly. It’s too tight. It’s too warm. 

She runs her finger through his hair and makes eye-contact with him in the mirror. 

“I like to spike it up,” he tries to lift his hands to his head to explain it better, but he forgets that he is trapped under the cape. Kuroo doesn’t use a cape, just a towel. “It’s too long now.” 

“About an inch or so?” The lady asks as she takes a strand of his hair in her hand. Her fingertips on trail on his scalp. 

It’s not quite a tickle, this feeling that he hates so much. But it runs all the way down his spine.

Take a deep breath. 

“I guess that sounds good.” 

The lady has already reached for her scissors.

The entire ordeal takes about ten minutes and Koutarou tries his hardest to keep his cool. His hairdresser, however, doesn’t seem to notice how much energy this is taking him because she keeps chatting.

“Are you in college?” she asks and before he can think about it he says yes.

“That’s lovely, what do you study?” 

Under his cape he digs his fingernails into the palms of his hands. A piece of hair falls from his shoulders onto his lap. The rusty, metal sound of the scissors too close to his ears. Koutarou tries to suppress a shiver. _What was the question again?_

“Are you okay?” 

The scissors stop. He catches the woman’s eyes in the reflection of the mirror. She looks worried. Back to himself. He looks paler than usual. He looks like people should worry about him. 

They shouldn’t. He’s fine. It’s just a haircut.

“Hello?” the hairdresser taps him on the shoulder. “Are you okay?” 

“Yes!” Koutarou blinks a few times. “Sorry! Just lost in thought, that’s all.” 

“Well, I think you’re done,” 

Koutarou looks up at himself in the mirror. He can’t tell if it’s quite right. It doesn’t look like his hair usually does when it’s down. It’s a bit shorter on the sides. 

“You mentioned you style it. I could do that for you if you want.” 

“No, no, that’s not necessary!” Koutarou says quickly. Just get him out of this chair. He probably should be going anyway. 

The hairdresser takes off the cape as he takes some more moments to stare at himself. He hasn’t thought this through at all. He doesn’t have the time to go home and style it now. What was he thinking? It’s not that it looks bad. It’s fine, even just now when it’s down, but he doesn’t look like himself. 

It’s not until the lady removes the cape completely that he notices all the bits of hair that cling to his jeans. He can feel them in his neck too. Usually this is the part where he takes a shower. That’s why he likes doing this at home, so he can clean himself up immediately. Maybe even go for a nap. He checks his watch. Twenty minutes until he’s supposed to meet Akaashi. Ten minutes to walk there. At least four or five hours before he can go home and take a shower. 

_Don’t think like that. This has been all you’ve been thinking about for the past three days!_

He rubs the back of his neck. The little hairs stick to his fingers and fall down the back of his sweater.

_Just get it together._

 

\-------------------

 

He ends up buying a beanie on the way to the cinema. It’s dark blue, doesn’t match his clothes at all, but he feels a bit more like himself. It’s also pretty chilly out so it’s probably weather appropriate, but it makes the tickling feeling in his neck even worse. It’s a compromise. 

Because of this last-minute purchase he is running a bit late, though. It’s nearly six O’clock so it’s pretty busy out on the street. People passing him on either side and a large crowd gathering in front of the cinema. He finds Akaashi quickly. He’s wearing a long, camel trenchcoat that Koutarou has seen him wear to the Coffee House before and he’s looking down at his phone. 

“Akaashi!” he yells when he is within earshot. 

His voice is a little breathy. He hasn’t like he’s been running or anything, but his throat burns like he has. 

Akaashi looks up and smiles. 

“Sorry I’m late,” Kouarou doesn’t know whether to go in for a hug or not. _A handshake? That’s pretty weird. How about one of those handshake-turned-to-hug bro type things he and Kuroo do when they see each other?_

Akaashi pocket his phone and now the moment has passed. 

“Bokuto?”

“Ah! We should probably go inside,” Koutarou says and he leads the way. 

He opens the door for his date with a big smile. “I said you look nice,” Akaashi says softly. “I like your sweater.” 

“Thank you,” he says but he’s having trouble focussing. The line in front of the register nearly reaches the door. 

He looks down at his watch, four more minutes until the movie starts. They’re never going to make it in time. 

“I am so sorry,” he says when they join the back of the line. “I think we’re going to miss the start of the movie.” 

“It’s fine,” Akaashi says, but it’s really not. He still needs to get popcorn for them and soda and he likes to watch the trailers too. 

He stands up on his tiptoes to looks over the line in front of them. A quick headcount reveals about fifteen people.

Akaashi briefly reaches for his elbow. “It’s not a big deal, Bokuto,” he says. “They start with commercials anyway.” 

“Sorry,” he grins apologetically. “I just want this to go well.” 

Akaashi lets go of his arm – public spaces and all – but he smiles a little wider than usual so it’s all good. 

The line moves slowly, but it gives them time to talk, he tells himself. That’s what this is about anyway. He really likes that they’re going to see a movie together, but he would be fine too if they were just chatting at the Coffee House. Although it is nice to see Akaashi in a different setting. He would like to see him in all sorts of settings.

“How has school been for you?” Koutarou asks. “Did you have any classes today?” 

Akaashi frowns. “It’s winter break.” he says. “It has been for two weeks now.” 

“Oh, that’s right!” he realizes he hasn’t actually mentioned that he’s not currently in school. But he’s going to be, right?   
So it’s all the same. He could lie about it, but he probably ruined that chance just now.

“I’m not actually taking any classes currently,” he says. “I’m taking a little break right now.” 

“Oh,” Akaashi raises an eyebrow. “Were you unsatisfied with the university?” 

“Not really,” he says. He would have rather lied. That’s not a nice thing to admit, but he doesn’t know how to explain this. Not in a way that doesn’t make him sound like a lazy piece of shit. “I just needed a break… So I could... Reconsider my major, that’s all.” 

“It’s fine if you don’t want to talk about it.” 

They reach the register so he doesn’t have to say anything. He pays for both their tickets before Akaashi has a chance to even pull out his wallet. 

“You pay for the tickets, I pay for the popcorn?” Akaashi asks. 

“Sure,” Koutarou rips their tickets apart and hands Akaashi his’. “I’m gonna go take our seats already, if that’s okay, I’ll see you in a bit.” 

He practically runs into the theatre. It’s not like it’s necessary to save their seats. Not at all. He just needs, like, two minutes to catch his breath and then he’ll be ready to be his natural, charming self again. His heart is all the way up in his throat as he goes to sit down. The theatre is crowded, almost full and the commercials have already started. Their seats are close to the sides, right under one of the speakers, so it’s hard to ignore the excited voice telling him to go buy Pepsi. He takes his beanie off and ruffles the back of his head to get the tiny hairs off before he puts it back on. 

What move where they watching again?

Akaashi enters the theatre balancing a large bucket of popcorn and two sodas. God, he looks really good today. _Has Koutarou told him yet? He hasn’t. He really should, though._

_He should try harder. Akaashi deserves a really good date. The best date he’s ever had._

“You look really nice,” he says as Akaashi sits down next to him. “I hadn’t said that yet.”

“Thank you,” he looks at his knees and hands him his drink. “I got you coke because I didn’t know what you wanted, but I have sparkling water if you want to trade.”

“Coke is perfect, thank you.” 

Then the silence is back. Akaashi turns to face the screen, even though the commercials are still playing. Their conversations had never been with ease – he had always been so nervous – but at least he knew something to say. Even if it was a bit awkward. _Why can’t he think of anything?_

He’s asked about college, but he doesn’t want to talk about that any more. 

_What else? What else is there?_

“Are you okay?” 

Koutarou looks up. He had been fidgeting with his hands without thinking about it. He doesn’t quite know how to respond.

“If you are not feeling well you can tell me.” 

“Oh no, Akaashi! I’m fine!” He says a little too loud. “Stomach’s a bit weird, is all”

“Okay,” he’s not quite sure if Akaashi believes him, but he’s not about to explain that he’s so nervous he feels like throwing up. “Do you know anything about this movie?” 

“Not really,” he admits. “But Suga had seen it with his fiancé and they really liked it.” 

The lights dim. Koutarou didn’t think it could get any louder, but a trailer for an action movie starts with an explosion so loud he digs his fingers into the armrest. 

_You can’t do this._

_Suck it up._

_You need to go home._

_Don’t be such a baby._

Koutarou takes a sip of his drink and his throat feels like he swallowed the straw with it. Is it hot in here? Or is that just him? There are more explosions on the screen. 

Sometimes when he goes to see movies with Kuroo he’ll lean forward with his elbows on his knees so he can so he can hold his hands over his ears. That way everything’s not so loud. _Why did it take a date with someone he really likes for him to realize what a fucking weirdo he is?_

He can’t cover his ears in front of Akaashi, what would he think of him?

The next trailer is for a comedy, but at this point even the laughter of the audience burns in his ears. 

He stands up without really thinking about what he is doing. His breath squeaks on the exhale.

Akaashi looks up at him. Confused.

“I need…” Koutarou looks around. Where was the exit again? “I need to… Restroom.” 

He practically runs out of the theatre. All the steps under his feet shake through his entire body and then he’s facing the mirror in the bathroom. The minute in between lost in his frantic breathing. 

He splashes some water is his face, but he doesn’t really feel it. The bathroom is empty but the buzzing of the pipes is still too much sound. 

The door slams and Koutarou visibly cringes. 

“What’s wrong?” It’s Akaashi. He can see him in the reflection of the mirror.

Koutarou doesn’t turn around. “I’m good. I’m good.” Akaashi isn’t buying this crap and he knows it. “I just needed...”

He walks up to him and carefully puts a hand on his shoulder. Koutarou looks at him in the mirror, but Akaashi is looking directly at his face. 

“I don’t know what’s going on. You don’t have to tell me.” his voice is soft. Even for him. “But I think it’s best if you go home and get some sleep.”

“No, no! It’s fine.” He shakes Akaashi’s hand off and turns to face him. “I will do better. I’ll make sure you have a good time. I just need a-”

“Bokuto!”

He stops talking immediately.

“Go home.”

“But-”

“I refuse to go back inside. You clearly need rest.” Koutarou doesn’t know him long enough to read to emotions on his face. He’s pretty sure Akaashi doesn’t really outwardly shows how he feels, but he must be disappointed in him. “We can do this again when you feel better.” 

Akaashi grabs his elbow and begin to lead him to the door. Koutarou thinks he says something about fresh air.

He feels tension build up in his throat and tears build up behind his eyes. He blinks a few times quickly. “I’m sorry.”

“Don’t apologise,” he says. “Do you want me to bring you home?” 

He shakes his head. He doesn’t want to waste any more of Akaashi’s time. 

They reach the exit and the cool air hits him like a ball to the head. “I’m really, really sorry.” He should stop talking before his voice reveals that he is about to cry. 

“It’s okay,” Akaashi lets go of him now that they’re outside. “I need to get back in and get my things. Are your sure you’re going to be okay?” 

He nods. 

“Please text me when you get home.” and with that his date disappears back inside.

Koutarou thought he’d be relieved when he is finally left alone. But as the nerves settle the anger bubbles up. 

He needs to get to the trains. 

_Such a fucking idiot._

He starts to walk, but he’s not quite sure if it’s in the right direction. He needs to move, though. He wants to leave. Out of this town. Out of this skin.

_Akaashi must think you’re a fucking loser._

_He’s never going to text you back._

A man in a suit jacket bumps into him and Koutarou thinks he yells something, but all he can do is stare.

_How far to the train? Where is the station?_

As another wave of anxiety hits him, Koutarou does the only thing he can think of.

Thank God he still has Kuroo on speed dial.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guess who finally wrote a chapter that's longer than two pages??? And it only took me like three weeks lol. 
> 
> So it took me quite a long time to understand the difference between an anxiety attack and sensory overload. They can feel pretty similar, especially if you've only ever experienced one or the other, and sometimes you just get both. This chapter was about my experiences with sensory overload. 
> 
> So only one more chapter to go, but I'm also very set on doing an epilogue because i want a happy ending for my own sake :)
> 
> (i could also really use some feedback if you don't mind. Since the beginning of the story i've been using a pretty distant form of third person narration. Mainly by using Koutarou's name a lot. I was intending for this to create a bit of distance. Normally that's not advised in writing, but i felt like some distance from very negative thoughts and intense emotions and anxiety would make the story more comfortable to read and make sure it wouldn't even get melodramatic or too hard to read. I was wondering if this is working for you guys??? Do you find it annoying? Does it do what i intented for it to do?? I could really use some feedback!!)

**Author's Note:**

> i totally haven't ever forgotten carrots in my fridge. not at all. but please check you vegetable drawer regularly children!!!
> 
> I hope you enjoyed that first chapter. I have things sort of planned out and this story will be five chapters total! I am hoping to update weekly (but like...)
> 
> I'd love it if you left a comment!


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